Writer and poet Bethany Saltman didn't set out to write a memoir but when her research into the life and studies of Mary Ainsworth overlapped with her own childhood, she knew she had to delve into her past. Bethany tells Zibby about how Ainsworth's attachment theories apply to the complicated relationship she had with her older brothers, in which ways her familial past has affected her connection to her own daughter, and what the dynamic with her mother is like today.
Bethany: The book is a memoir woven in with the science of attachment. When my daughter, Azalea, was born -- she's fourteen years old now -- I was confronted with some difficult feelings. I, I think like many of us, thought that motherhood would wash over me like a blanket or some kind of comforting, soothing experience that would wipe away the edgier aspects of my personality. Lo and behold, that did not happen. In fact, kind of the opposite occurred where I was stressed out, worried about myself in relationship to this new motherhood business, and ultimately worried about her. I didn't have problems bonding with her, so to speak. I loved her. I adored her. I found her gorgeous, beautiful, fun, adorable, all those squishy feelings that a mother often has, a parent often has, but I also felt really stressed out. I wasn't always very good at containing my feelings, which is part of my makeup. That scared me. I knew enough to know that babies really need sensitive caregiving. I wasn't sure I was giving it.
