Zibby moderated a conversation between Emmy-nominated comedy writer, Bess Kalb, and author of I Am My Mother’s Daughter, Dana Kurtz, as part of the Florida JCC's Author Series. The recorded panel, released here as a podcast, focuses on how Bess and Dana both processed the grief of losing the most influential female figures in their lives through writing as well as the lessons that have been collectively passed down through generations of Jewish women.
Bess: This book is about my beloved grandmother. I was inspired to write it because she started telling me her life story from the time I was a baby. She passed away in 2017. In an effort to feel close to her again and to bring her back, I decided to tell her life story in her own words in her voice. For me, it was partially a grief-processing exercise and a cathartic way to reconnect to the woman that I loved so much. The real moment when I realized that maybe I am able to channel her in a way that is meaningful to the people who really knew her best was right after she died. I was given the task of delivering a eulogy at her funeral. I tried several different versions of speeches. I remember feeling really frustrated that they were just sort of platitudes. The way that we talk about death can feel almost trite sometimes because we stick to a script. We have a certain vocabulary in discussing the deceased. I found the way to be most authentic about it and the way to really honor her and really be true to her was to deliver the eulogy. I spoke about what she would think of her funeral in her voice to my family. It was such a sad day. The fact that she was a very, very old woman at her passing doesn't at all diminish the enormity of her loss and how very tragic it was. Everyone was upset. No one was coming in ready to laugh, of course. This is a funeral. I skipped mascara. By the end of eulogy, my family was wiping away laughter tears because I knew how my grandmother would've reacted to everybody coming out, having to get dressed, having to figure out what to wear, what to say. I just wise-cracked as her and threw this sort of family roast and brought her back to the people who needed her the most. I realized, wow, I do have her voice. I'm able to bring her back. Maybe there's a bigger literary project here. That's what the book is.
